Danielle and I were talking this last week about something we both think of often. About how, as bad as her childhood was, if it was functional, and hopeful, and safe, she would still be with her parents of origin. We also discussed that had my ex-husband not had the affair, the other kids and I would still be back in Nebraska living a completely different life than the one we now live.
If she hadn't suffered terribly seeing her parents' decay through alcohol and drug abuse, and if the other kids and I hadn't suffered the pain of seeing that our husband and father had betrayed us, it's obvious that we wouldn't be here together, with Hugo. And all the balance and right he adds to the mix.
It kind of messes with my mind sometimes, when I lament the sorrow of what the kids and I have endured. But, I can't stay in that bad place for long, because that line of thinking inevitably takes me to where I am now. To where we are now. And I know that the sorrow of our past brought us to the life we now live and cherish.
Just like I can't wish I'd never married my ex-husband. If I never married him, we wouldn't have Tessa, Adam, Abi, and Lee. If I never married him, I wouldn't have Nebraska. It was, after all, his job transfer that took us there in the first place. Could I even imagine life without these children? Without Nebraska?
If I say I wish the affair had never happened, then the kids and I would have still been in a system that was unhealthy and so very dysfunctional. It's for this reason that I can say that I hold zero bitterness toward my ex-husband's act of betrayal, for it took something just that powerful to open my eyes to what was going on in our family, aside from his infidelity.
Can I be thankful for the affair? I think I am.
What Danielle endured throughout her childhood is only just really starting to emerge as she matures and feels more and more safe in her new home with us. She's allowing herself to face the demons of her parents' past--demons they allowed her to be tormented by. But, at the same time she is looking at her parents with love and acceptance, and an understanding of the havoc their addictions brought to their lives. Hers included.
And she does this in her room. The safe room in her safe house, with her safe family ready to listen to her whenever she is ready to share. A family that wouldn't be here for her if some of us were still in Nebraska.
I do believe that the Perfect Plan was for each of our families to be healthy, void of secret sins, and blatant in your face neglect and abuse. But Perfect Plans sometimes crumble in our imperfect world. And when the plan ends up being less than perfect, it is good to know that God has our back. And a Plan B.
As good as our collective Plan B is, sometimes I wish that this had been our Plan A in the first place. That's the whole messing with my mind thing again, hard at work. But instead, I choose to simply be thankful for who we are, and where we are today. Because since the paths that brought us together were rocky, we can really appreciate just how good it is now.
And it is so very good. I am so thankful. So thankful for so much good being brought from so many somethings that were bad.
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