Things may not be perfect in the relationship between my ex-husband and myself, and if they were, we wouldn't have put our families and ourselves through the pain and sorrow of divorce. But, just because the marriage was over, didn't mean that we couldn't ever be in the same room together. Or that we could never have a non-mediated discussion. Or that we couldn't work together on matters relating to the children. Quite the contrary.
It is a beautiful thing that we can not only communicate and work through matters that come up regarding family and the 4 children we share, but we can actually enjoy events together.
School functions. Whether it's an Open House, or a Choir Concert, there is never a problem with us not only being at the same event, but actually sitting together. Walking together from class to class at Abi's school on Meet the Teacher Night. When Abi played soccer, Hugo stood next to my ex-husband, and they talked together, and cheered Abi on together. How good for that little girl to see her two dads on the same team. On her team.
Family Events. When his mother passed away and we had her funeral last month, it was amazing being able to be together with his family as we said our final good-byes and then gathered together to celebrate her life. We had been married 18 years when we separated, and we were at the 22 year mark when the divorce was final. You can't be married to someone that long, and be a part of each others' family for that many years, and not still have bonds. If we weren't able to stand being in the same room together, the kids would have felt the void terribly, and from my own personal perspective, I wouldn't have been able to properly say good-bye to someone very dear to me.
There are, sadly, many situations where the divorced couple can't be together. Maybe there is a history of abuse. Maybe the former spouse is unbalanced and even dangerous. I am so thankful that this isn't the case for our family.
We all see and hear of stories where the divorced couple remarries, and absolutely hate the new spouses of their former mates. I am so thankful that this isn't the case in the dynamic between my ex-husband and Hugo.
Hugo strongly supports our need to maintain a great relationship with my ex-husband. And likewise, my ex-husband isn't at all threatened by Hugo. Even though both my ex-husband and I know equally that our youngest, Lee, favors Hugo over the both of us. My ex-husband's position on that issue is one of relief. He has said that he'd rather Lee have this kind of relationship with Hugo, the man Lee lives with, as opposed to, say, a strained relationship between the two.
It is great to be able to maintain a relationship with him so that we can talk on the phone over issues pertaining to the kids. We can even talk on the phone over issues that have nothing to do with the kids. His mother, after all, passed away recently. I love it that I can call him just to see how he is holding up. That it's OK for the both of us to realize that the divorce didn't destroy my ability to care about how he is doing. And to even worry about him.
And oh my gosh...the fact that Hugo is OK with this as well, is huge. In fact, Hugo makes so much of the amicable relationship we have with my ex-husband even possible.
This is a gift, I'm quite aware. It is a gift for which I am very thankful.
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