When flights were grounded following the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001, the sky was void of airplane for days. I looked up into the night sky and only saw stars. The view I had always dreamed of seeing. It wasn't how I wanted it to be. I missed our planes, and I mourned those who had been traveling on them, but were lost.
When I Learned How to be Quiet.
For the longest time, I believed that my shower had magical powers. No matter what I had going on in my day, no matter how busy I was, and no matter how tightly wound I might be, once I'd get into the shower, my body relaxed, my mind settled, and suddenly I'd have solution to problems I had been stressing about all morning, or visions and plans would unfold that would make my day run more smoothly.
A few weeks ago, Hugo and I went with some friends to our local mountains for a day of silent reflexion. I have never done anything like that before. Neither had Hugo. We knew that the company would be good, and that the location would be good, so we went with high expectations of a good time, but with no clue as to how good that time would actually be.
We met up as a group--there were about 9 or 10 of us. Then, we split up to hike out into the woods to take in the beauty, relax, and see what God would do with us.
Wow.
It was like I was in the shower, except that I wasn't wet. My mind opened up, my stress flew out of my body, and my mind started to flow with creativity, and ideas.
Then, a car alarm went off. It could have been a stealer of my moment, but to my amazement, it wasn't. It was evidence of people. And as I sat in the woods with no view of power lines, or litter, or anything remotely human, I knew that humans were just through the trees, and I was happy. I didn't feel like I needed to imagine life without people, like I used to with the night sky, or like I always have when I've been out in the country, or mountains. I want it all. The country. The mountains. The beach. And bustling city life, with all her people.
VISION
When I'm quiet and still, I commune with woodland creatures unafraid of me because of my stillness.
I hear so many birds. So many insects. The wind moving through the trees.
The human sounds bring surprising comfort. For my whole life, I was driven away from people, in spite of my natural need to be around them. Was fascinated (distracted) by land untouched by man so intensely, I lived within it.
Always drawn away. I (first) married a recluse.
People.
My destiny lies with people.
Retreat.
My soul is rejuvenated, but my restlessness calls me away. Dissatisfied with sleep, it awakens.
We had lots of buzzing critters swarming around our faces at times. And then Hugo, after sitting for a while, noticed spider webs strung from tree to tree. We hadn't noticed them before, when we were hiking. I was inspired to write this silly little poem:
THE GNAT'S SONG
Sun catches silk not otherwise seen.
A snare for the tiny, not seeking a fiend.
But a flight through the air, on its way to and fro,
Unsuspecting.
Unsuspecting.
Sit. Be still. The wind bends the branch.
The silk. Secret silk, the sun reveals in the dance.
The fiend is found out. No feasting on me!
Thank God for the wind, and the bendable tree.
Hugo and I sat apart, but within eye shot of each other, so that we could watch each others' back. I first planted myself in front of a tree that obstructed my view of the mountain a little.
This is a picture. The tree stands toward the left. It was from this, that I wrote the next poem.
BEAUTY BEFORE ME
Always looking out.
Beyond.
Craning my neck for a better view.
Beyond.
Look to the side.
See what's there.
Pretty. Green. Golden.
To the other side.
Density. Thick. Deep.
Try to look through the patches of blue.
Broken outline of the ridge line.
Stop. Adjust.
The tree stands.
Tall. Strong. Straight.
An obstruction.
No.
Right here.
My focus.
Beauty before me.
Beauty Before Me happened when I noticed how pretty the tree was, that was standing in my way. It is about how easy it is to have things in our lives that bother us, or distract us. We might think we're too busy to visit with the neighbor when we pull into our driveways at the same time. We might be stressed about something in the house that needs to get done, and the demands of the kids can be irritating, and never-ending. But yet, when we stop for a minute, and take in what's before us, we often times realize that what we have before us is precious, and would be horrible to be missed.
Slowing down. Stopping, even. It's a discipline I have never exercised before in my life, but it's a discipline I'm working hard to better develop from this point, on.
I challenge you. In your commute to or from work. Stay off the phone. Turn the stereo off.
At home, try not to turn the TV on. I think I was just shaking a little when I typed that. I'm a white noise needer, and I love my TV on, even when I'm writing.
In line at the bank. Keep your phone in your pocket, or purse.
I realized I was in over my head when I caught myself checking Facebook or Twitter on my phone, while I'd sit at the laptop, looking at Facebook or Twitter. Always on, always reading, always receiving information, always doing, but at times, not even realizing that I was on, reading, receiving information, or doing. But, my spirit within me knew, and it's begging for a break.
I wake up a little earlier now. I sit in my living room, with the blinds open, I look up into the mountains, and I breathe. And as I sit in silence, I am washed with peace, and an ability to hear the voice of God deep within my spirit, giving me direction, and encouragement.
Today, we remember the horror of September 11, 2001. We're quiet, as we remember. It's a good day to launch the discipline of silence. You'll never otherwise know all the good that will come from it, unless you give it a try. C'mon. I double dog dare you.
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