Mike Runner is my Sunday Guest Contributor, and he brings a perspective to Wings Like Eagles that is unique and challenging.
I normally cover topics relating to the horror of having someone else bring darkness into the home. Mike covers the same topics, but from a completely different angle. He was the one who brought darkness to his family. Mike is an alcoholic.
It is my hope that the perception of what we think we know about Family Crisis is shaken up a bit. Because there is far more involved than we think. Much can be understood by examining the other side, and I deeply appreciate Mike's willingness to help us gain understanding as he shares with us the mind as it is affected by alcoholism.
He isn't just an alcoholic. He is an intelligent mind, has a bright, hopeful future, and he is my friend. And this is his story.
I tell my story because I have gone places where other
people need not go. If you have been where
I have been physically, spiritually or emotionally, you need not go back. If you are currently there, I give you
permission to stop and get out. Many
alcoholics have far worse stories than I do. If I ever pick up another drink, the stories
will get worse. They always do.
I tell my story so that you can understand
some alcoholics never intended to get as bad as we did. Some never intended to hurt the ones we loved
and some of us know that you tried everything.
I tell the story because I want you to know
that no matter how far down you or a loved one has gone, there is hope. I will continue to repeat these things
because the idea of even a glimmer of hope has been destroyed in many, as it was
with me.
Though I cannot say I have
enjoyed some of the consequences of my drinking, I can tell you that there is
nothing that I could go through sober, that is worse than the deepest despair of
alcoholism. Financial consequences,
jail, not driving; these things are difficult, but minor compared to the misery
of being the walking corpse I was at my worst.
I cannot say I am always happy now. I go through my ups and downs like everyone
else. What I am is grateful. I am also content, joyous, and peaceful. I never thought that I would feel these
things again.
It is interesting that the
Bible tells us to seek such things. It never says to seek happiness. Some situations in life are just not
happy.
I am very much at odds with what
I call “modern psychology.” Look on
Facebook and you will see many examples of it daily. Put
yourself first and do things to make yourself happy even if you hurt people in
the process. I talked to a friend a
while back who had been in therapy for over a year. I asked her if she had made amends to another
person close to me that I thought she had hurt.
She responded, “no, this has been about me.”
The Bible and AA have taught me differently. About 10% of the book of Alcoholics Anonymous
is stopping the drinking. The other 90%
is about how to change your life. At the
end of things, both books say the way to be fulfilled is to be of maximum
service to God and to help other people.
The more we do this and take the focus off of ourselves, the more joyous
and peaceful we become. How simple yet how very opposite of what we hear these
days. This simple philosophy got me through my week
in jail and I hopefully helped people during the process. There are a lot of lost and unhappy campers
in jail.
One day at a time. First
things first. Keep it simple,
stupid. Easy does it. This too shall pass. If I go to bed sober, it will have been a
good day. It is what it is. Progress, not perfection. Whatever it takes. Have an attitude of gratitude. If you are too busy to pray, you are too
busy. Keep coming back. It works if you work it. Keep my side of the street clean. Let go, let God.
These are all expressions you will hear and see on the walls
of recovery rooms. I used to find them
quaint but overly simplistic for someone intelligent and educated such as
myself. I was wrong.
I was doing the opposite of these things for years and didn’t
realize it. Clever me. I over complicated everything. I held on tightly instead of letting go and
giving things to God. I didn’t live in
the day, but always in the future, and its potential negative uncertainty or in
the past with its guilt and regret. I
had bitterness and little gratitude. I didn’t
work hard enough on my sobriety; I just expected things to change. I was too impatient to deal with
progress. I wanted everything to change
right now. Now, look back up at the
platitudes. I had been doing everything
I could do to ensure failure.
I will go more into my jail story next week but I will share
a few things.
I would recommend a different hotel. The help are not necessarily the most
patient, helpful and tolerant people in the world. It is better to have a room number than to be
a number. I was number 14A41. Since no
one will clean your bathrooms (there were about 50 men in the “dorm” that I was
in) you do it in groups as well as clean everything else.
On white
guy cleaning day, (we were grouped by race on cleaning days), I learned that you don’t
get rubber gloves for cleaning toilets, and you clean bathroom floors by
overflowing the eight steel toilets and cleaning the floor with toilet
water. Perhaps I came on the week when the sanitation
crew was on strike, but I was told to get used to it.
I learned something else new. Handcuffs are even less comfortable when you
are sober.
I will give you a little more
play by play of my interesting week on "assignment" in my next column. If I give people a good visual, perhaps people
can experience it through me and decide they have no need to go
themselves. To the hurting, if I can get
through this stuff and laugh, you will be able to laugh again someday as well.
You will hear it said that you have to “hit a bottom” to get
sober. That is often only thought of as
a physical event. Something terrible has
to happen. Please don’t wait for
it. For some, a bottom can be when you
finally make the decision to stop digging
and put down your shovel.
Next week. On Assignment, the Conclusion.
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