Tracey Anne Hallberg is my Monday Guest Contributor. She is a survivor of Family Crisis, and proof positive that there is light on the other side. She shares from her heart, leaving very little to the imagination.
Her story is valid, important, and needs to be shared. My personal journey is very different from hers, but on my journey, I have come upon many...many...who have had to live through horrors similar to the upbringing Tracey was forced to endure.
Tracey is one of the most courageous women I have had the privilege to know, and I am honored to share Wings Like Eagles with her every Monday.
Tracey's account is graphic and raw, and is not suitable for young or sensitive readers. I give her posts a strong PG-13 rating.
the conclusion of tracey's introduction that ushers in the beginning of her story as it's lived today
Shortly thereafter, I met my future husband,
someone who was raised in the quirkiest, REAL Christian, normal
family. Something very foreign to me. He is someone who valued me. Jason, my husband, has been the MOST patient,
understanding man I have ever known. Through my doubts, fears and triple diagnoses, I have PTSD, OCD, and hyper-thyroidism, he has been kind, strong, &
steadfast. He reminds me of how God keeps takin' us out of the pits. Blessing us, forgiving us, strengthening us, growing us. We are worthy in
HIM. Not in mortal man. Men are men. All are good AND evil. Some more of one, over
the other. Different kinds of good and evil.
My dear sister Dana hung herself. With her jeans. On a pole. In her bedroom. Last October. On my
birthday. She was out of her mind on Ice, crystallized cocaine. Had been
drinkin' all day. Her addiction finally took her. I cry nearly every day
still. I miss her so bad.
Just like they had to drag Dana from Uncle Neal's funeral at the funeral home, they had to drag Dana's granddaughter from the grave site. She said, "I wish Nanny wasn't in that box. I wish she could just go home with us."
History repeats when we don't learn.
Some of the extended family would have her be a liar,
pathetic and worthless, in order to not let these family secrets out. She had
approached them months prior to offer forgiveness, only to be verbally
abused. It hurt her deeply. Dana never knew how to express her emotions like I
do. Like Mama, she stayed numb with drugs and alcohol.
They tried to
ridicule me. When I said we have pedophiles and child molesters--predators--in
our family. Called me a liar. But they got the wrong girl.
My sister
loved the Lord. She was deathly honest. So was my Mama. True to the bone. Sinner, prostitute, sure. Liars? There was a reason they hated lies. They were lost in addiction and they are with Him, waitin' fer me. I know that
with all of my soul. The haters in my family cannot change that.
I found my little brother through Facebook and my Auntie Tina. Before she died, Dana got to come to California to meet him. She also got to meet her
nephew, my son Jaron, and see my daughter, Trinity one last time. We went to
the beach, shared in my sister-in-law Tina's Birthday, and had a barbecue. With Daddy. Had
wonderful memories. Thank you Jesus.
Auntie Tina said her brother Mark ran
into my brother's Mama at the bank in Baton Rouge. She was in town to bury her
father. Rattled on like nothin' had ever even happened. Heck, I am
grateful. Cocaine is a hell of a drug, as my brother Jason would say. She had him
believe Daddy jest ran off and that he was an only child. That the pictures
of me and Dana holdin' him were jest family friends. Hell of a drug.
My
brother, Jason is in the Marine Corps. He is the BOMB! He is my brother, and he is badass! He lives right here in Oceanside, two hours
from my house.
God is good. Everyday. We are promised eternity together. In this
life, we are all jest passengers, passin' through.
Desperately, I want the peace only God gives for Dana's 3 daughters, and for her granddaughter. Please pray for them.
My trust lies in the Lord. He is my
reason I am valued. This story, it is HIS story. I am jest a vessel. I hope
someone can understand His power in this. If you don't, please wake up. We been
at war. Spiritual. Fighting sexual demons, demons of addictions, lies, pride and a multitude of sins. Don't lose faith. Don't give up. And for God's
sake, don't believe in the lies. Especially when they are dipped in the
truth. Satan is the Father of lies. He mixes it with certain truths.
We were whores. We were cast out. We
were drug users, and we were unclean. We were always honest about it, though. We were better than fakers. Who hid their sin. We were bound together. Destined
to be family. God planned it that way, so I can come to you now. To say I am
forgiven.
I am saved.
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