Morning Panic

My alarm went off yesterday morning, ending what I have declared to be the worst night sleep I've ever had in my entire life.

Tessa, Hugo, and I watched the 80s movie Amadeus Sunday night, and I think Mozart's music was a little bit too stimulating for my brain, just before bed.  I do not suffer from insomnia, so waking up to every sound, and having strange, highly musical dreams all.  night.  long.  about did me in for the night.  For a second, I was happy to hear the alarm, just to have it be over with, already.

But happiness turned into panic, in an instant.

My alarm also read, "Staff Appreciation Breakfast @ 7:30.  Take Egg Casserole."

Wha-?!  I hadn't given this event a thought since I typed it into my phone the week before.

I popped out of bed silently declaring, because I was too panicked to form sound, that it was going to be a very bad day.  First, a night of fitful sleep, and now this.  A staff of 40 people at Lee's school, depending on the PTA to properly appreciate them.  And only 2 of us were supposed to take a hot, egg dish.

From that moment on, I was too busy to think about the day.  Just the task.  Get breakfast made.  Get Lee up.  Get  showered and dressed.  Get us out the door.

Task #1 Get Breakfast Made.  I started off a little grey on this one.  I just started pulling ingredients out of the fridge.  Finally, my guilty pleasure of watching reality cooking shows where the would-be chefs have to create something fabulous on the fly, was paying off.

Eggs.  Potatoes.  Crap, we only have red potatoes.  Too bad.  Red potatoes, anyway.  Deli ham.  Flour Tortillas.  Cheese.

I diced, scrambled, and layered, taking each step without really knowing what my next one would be.  It was like I was being controlled by a Higher Power.  Cool.

Task #2 Get Lee up.  Without starting his day in the same state of panic as his mom, I sang "Good morning, Sweetie," as he opened up his eyes to his mother pulling his shorts on, and his shirt down, over his head.

Task #3 Get Dressed.  I blessed the day I decided to start wearing make-up to bed.  And the good people who invented barrettes.  And dark sunglasses.

Get Us Out the Door.  The Staff Appreciation Breakfast started at 7:30, and we arrived at 7:35, to only 1 teacher in the lounge, and only 4 other PTA Board Members there before me.  Whew!  I was nowhere near the latest one there!  And with my contribution being an egg casserole, it was great that it wasn't there earlier, just getting cold before the staff actually arrived.  Score!

Admittedly, I did forget to pack Hugo and Lee's lunches.  No worries.  I had plenty of adrenaline left over to get back home, get Lee's packed (Hugo was a little on his own, as he had to leave for work  before I would be back at home), and get it to him well before he needed it.  When I dropped it off in the office, Pam, the school secretary, had a plate of food and asked, "Did you make this?!  It's so good!"

It was at that point that I actually stopped and realized that I hadn't taste-tested a thing, or even wondered whether it was good or not.  I just tossed together what I had on hand, and flew out the door.  A flash of what ifs passed me by, but I let it go.  Why waste the time fearing how embarrassing it could have been had it sucked.

I got back home, and sat at my computer.  I had a column to edit, and 2 articles to write.  Rather than feel my normal deadline panic, I felt a sense of calm.  Was it the adrenaline wash we feel after a crisis is averted?  Or was it a sense of perspective?  I got the egg casserole and 2nd grader out the door on time. The rest will fall into place, too.

Except that the column I was editing had a formatting issue I couldn't resolve.  And it had to be posted. It couldn't wait.  I didn't have time to fix it.  It was bugging me, but again, that sense of calm came over me.  Post it as is.  The world will not stop spinning.  Funny thing, is that the column subject was on having OCD.  Ironic.

I got the column edited and published, one article submitted, the other one worked on, picked kids up from school, continued to work on that second article, had to stop to help Lee with homework, had to stop to actually take a shower, delegated the creation of dinner to Tessa and Danielle, and headed out the door again to meet up with some friends after dinner.

When the kids were all tucked in, and Hugo and I retired to our bedroom, I reflected on the day.  It was a great day.  Not a good day, not an OK day, and definitely not a bad day.  A great day.

I remembered that thought I had early in the morning.  That fleeting thought that declared that it was going to be a bad day.  I'm so happy I didn't gather that thought as it fleeted by.  I'm so glad I just let it go.  Because, if I had grabbed onto it, I would have missed out on the satisfaction of being able to rank my day as highly as I did.

How quickly, and arguably easy, it would have been for me to just declare the day BAD, and proceed accordingly.  I have before.  So, it makes me wonder.  How many times has it happened before?  How many times have I had "bad," happen, only to dwell on the bad, rather than allow myself to see the good that came from it?  Many times, I'm sure.

But not yesterday.  So with every threat of bad that creeps into my today, I think I'll just revisit my joy from last night.  A little perspective-builder.  And hopefully, I'll be able to do the same tomorrow, with my reflections from today.