So, yesterday I covered the topic of Summer Vacation. Again, I capitalized it. Today, I'm kind of staying in the same neighborhood. It's a topic related to Summer Vacation that has a title that goes something like this: Remember the Teenage Girl Who Used to Live Here?
Does anyone else have a child who is so socially aflutter, that you rarely see them land at home? We do, and we call her Abi.
Her poor natural dad. My husband and I have full custody, and my ex-husband has every-other-weekend visitation. For the last 3 or 4 weekends that she would have been at her dad's, she's had things at home that have kept her from getting to stay with him. Sometimes it was due to a choir concert, but mostly it was due to parties she was invited to. I offered my ex-husband encouragement when I told him not to worry...that he wasn't the only parent who hasn't seen her. When she has weekends at home, she isn't home, either.
Now, it would be at this time that all of the perfect parents out there tell me that we are Abi's parents, and that if I'm complaining about her being gone all the time, all I need to do is reel her in. And you're all absolutely right. You are, after all, perfect parents. But, the problem is, I'm not. And like most everything in my troubled little soul, I have a whole salad of tossed thoughts and feelings shaking about inside me, and frustratingly, too many of those things conflict. Like, imagine a salad of crisp romaine lettuce, and say, ice cream. Both very good on their own, but together, not so much.
When I contemplate Abi's life, I have to take into consideration the fact that she is unique, with needs that differ from her brothers and sisters. Needs. Real needs. The need to connect, and be busy with a varied group of friends is just as great to her, as Tessa's need to maintain her 4.0 standing on the Dean's List. Where Tessa keeps herself in her studies, and off TV, Abi keeps herself in the very things that motivate and energize her. People.
And it's not like I can't identify with her. I am an at-home mom, but even without a car of my own, I'm just not home as much as my job description would allude. Even when I am home. I am a writer, after all. When I write I'm taken away, as I seek a connection to people that defies the borders and boundaries my pocketbook could possibly support. For example, I can visit with my Life Friend Jane in Nebraska, or my niece Elena in Germany for free, when I let my fingers do the walking. Anyone remember those ads? The Yellow Pages...so retro. In this case, I'm letting my fingers walk, or dance, across my keyboard, and I'm imagining dear ones afar, reading me. So, though I'm home writing, I'm away, too.
I have a deep need for social contact. If I were to just stay home and focus only on my home, there would be too big a part of me not getting to be me, and it would affect me terribly. And even though I'd be home, my house wouldn't be cleaner. Ironically, I would become less productive. When the social part of me is un-exercised, I succumb to depression. And when depression strikes, my productivity wanes. I need to be out, productive, with other people.
Abi is the same way. She and I are so much alike. But even the most social ones need balance. Abi and I need to decompress, and allow a very real part of ourselves to keep those home ties tied tightly. Because if we don't, we will be more inclined to trip on our laces, and fall.
Thankfully, when we're home, we have a really good thing. We have worked hard at making it so. So, when I got the text from my friend Kim inviting Abi to sleep over with her daughter last night, after Abi spent the afternoon at another friend's swim party, and after she had spent a long weekend with her dad, and after she had spent Friday afternoon at Farrell's with friends celebrating 8th Grade Promotion, I said that she could. But, I said that she had to be home by 11:00 this morning.
No joke. I'm writing this post, and I just got a text. "Mom, we're having so much fun! Can I please stay until 11:30?" Sigh. Sure. But the cool thing? Just 15 minutes later, she came home. A good 10 minutes before she was supposed to be home in the first place.
She just finished telling me about her sleepover with her friend last night, staying up with her friend until 4am, shopping with the friend later this morning, and I'd have to say she's pretty energized. It worked. She's filled up, smiling wide, and ready to take on the day. Which is good. Because we're painting bedrooms today. Muah-ha-ha-ha-ha!! Excellent. She fell right into my plan. Energized, and ready for work.
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