Danielle's Going to Italy and I'm a Freaking Out, Slobbering Mess

So, I have a child heading to Italy in less than two weeks.  Did you just hear that?!  Yes, it was exactly what you thought it was.  It was the sound of me stifling a shriek, trying to keep a lid on my panic attack.

When she came to us and announced that this was what she wanted to do with her summer, we were thrilled.  Supportive.  Enthusiastic.  So happy that she is making travel a priority, knowing that this will just be the first of many adventures for her.  What an opportunity!  She'll learn so much!  But, that was so last winter.  Funny, how that works.  How fantasies sometimes end up being full fledged realities.  Holy cow.  Now what?

She's had her Passport for months, has been through her orientation, all of her paperwork is submitted, and she's paid in full.  Yesterday she got her e-ticket receipts.  And there's that sound again.

Part of being a mom is being a card carrying worrier, and I will exercise my right to freak out, as long as I have a pulse to beat into a frenzy.  Yes, I know...be anxious for nothing.  And I really do believe it.  When I turn that worry over to God in prayer, I do get that peace that surpasses all understanding.  But, I have to be real, and I have to say that part of the peace I get is in knowing that God is there holding my hand through my inability to completely let go of my fear.  He makes Himself available to me so that I can keep going to Him, and He gets it that I struggle.  He doesn't turn me away for failing.  It's one of those I can't believe, so help me to be able to believe moments.  But, in my case, it's more like, I can't not worry my head off, so please help me to not worry my head off.

This will be Danielle's first time on an airplane, ever.  Her first time out of the country.  Her first time out of the state of California.

So, I breathe.  I ask for help.  God, help me.  And I train my thoughts on other things.  Things like:

1. She is going to learn so much.
2. Her vision for her future will expand so much.
3. She is going to fall in love with the people of Italy.
4. She will gain so much confidence.
5. She will learn to set aside fear, and pursue life.
6. She will come home, triumphant in her accomplishment.

Note, I didn't say she will come home safely.  I can't guarantee that.  But, I can't guarantee that if she stays home she'll be safe, now can I?  Things happen, no matter where we are.

But, the way I see it, God put Italy on the globe for a reason, and it's up for grabs.  Why not?!  Why not go for it, Little Girl?

With my fear stuffed away in a case, and my booty holding the lid down, I can confidently say that I am HAPPY BEYOND BELIEF that she is going.  That I am SOOOO VERY EXCITED for her.  That I am SO PROUD that she threw aside her own fears and insecurities, and allowed herself to dream.  And mostly, that her dream really has turned into a reality.  And that she has done it, pushing herself the whole way.

I can't wait to see the Danielle we get back after her adventures.  No, really, I seriously can't wait.  Some fear just oozed out of the case I had it stuffed in.  And for me, I can't wait to see the Mom Danielle gets when she returns from her adventures.  Hopefully, one who has grown, who has really allowed God's help when I've asked, and one who does a better job at keeping the lid down when I'm weak.

She's going.  Look at that face.  How could I ever allow my fear to get in the way of all of that excitement, all of that hope, all of that accomplishment?  I can't.  So, as a mom, I'm also a card carrying supporter, and I will exercise my right to support my child as long as I have a pulse to beat into a mama-love frenzy.  You're going to Italy, Dani-Girl!  Ciao!