Look at Me!!

One of Lee's favorite of favorite friends is Lucas.  They were fast friends in Kindergarten this last school year, and have had many opportunities to get together and play this summer.  This afternoon, Lee and I went to Lucas' house to swim in his pool.  Another little friend was there, as well as Lucas' little brother.

So, on a warm July afternoon, there sat three moms on the edge of the pool, while four little boys played.  In water.  Back out on the side of the pool.  Then back in the water again.  Never once without a splash, and never once out of the mommy-zone.  Again, and again, and again.  Cannon balls.  Running jumps.  Backward jumps.  Another cannon ball.

I wasn't dressed appropriately.  My clothes and I smell like chlorine.

Being good sports, though, all three of us moms knew where we were, and what we ought to expect.  Splashes.  Thankfully, it was warm outside today, and the water wasn't shockingly frigid.  We would dry.  Eventually.

It was a lazy day--a lazy day of summer.  The play was simple, the adult conversation easy, and there was plenty of opportunity for observation as we visited.

If I heard it once, I heard it a hundred times.  "Look what I can do!"  "Look!"  "Look at ME!!"  Every time, the boys would announce their plans for amazing swimming feats, and even though the trick was just like the last trick they announced, they still wanted to be seen.  Pictures taken.  Applause.

It made me think about humanity.  Isn't that what we all kind of do?  Whatever it is we do, we hope that someone notices.  So that what we do counts.  So that we can be counted as valid.

I think back on my life before Crisis.  About how, in my marriage before, I made darn sure that I did everything right, and to the letter.  I read all the books on parenting, and then I followed them compulsively.  I read all the books on marriage, and then I followed them compulsively.  I wanted to make sure everyone knew that what I stood for was right, and that I deserved that medal for a job well done.  But I wonder, as I look back...how many people did I splash?  "Look at ME!"  How many people were off-put by my self-righteousness?

There are more mistakes that I have made in my life than I could count, the foremost being the shouts of, "Look what I can do," to anyone who would listen...even to those who didn't want to.  What I want to do with my life now is yell, "Look what I have done," so that I can do all that I can to lead others away from the same mistakes I have made.

Abi and a friend went to a local water park.  We're all home now.  We're taking turns showering.  I'm writing.  I still smell of chlorine.  I have laundry to work on, shirts to iron, and a family to get ready for Aunt Alicia's birthday celebration at Abuelito and Abuelita's tonight.  But yet, I sit here, basking in my imperfections, thankful that I know who I am, and that I'm not afraid of letting people see who I am.  And so, so, so thankful that I am out of the figurative cannon-ball stage of life.  "Look at ME!"  No, really.  Look at me.  The real me.