Friday night, Hugo and I went to a local art house theater to see the new George Clooney movie, The Descendants. We are both a fan of Mr. Clooney, so we went in with high expectations.
And we weren't disappointed. But, I need to confess that about a third of the way into the movie, I had some doubts. None of the characters were all that appealing. There was nothing, early on, that made us root for Matt King, George Clooney's character, or anyone else, for that matter.
Matt King is a financially successful attorney, who is impoverished in the things that matter in life. The relationships with his daughters and wife are strained, and when Crisis ensues, his character is put to the test.
Happily, at some point well into the movie, I realized that I not only no longer had doubts about liking the movie, but that instead, I loved it. What changed?
What I liked about this movie was how real it is. I believe it portrays a realistic look at the funk we can have when we allow our perspective to be affected by a lack of good sense in the ways we live our lives.
Sometimes, when we're in Crisis, we behave in ways that are unconventional. We say and do things we wouldn't otherwise say or do, in better circumstances.
Sometimes, Crisis is the direct result of a gradual erosion in a family. As life as we know it slowly washes down into the dark and sticky Pit we eventually find ourselves in, we see that it took with it many foundational elements of good and what's right. It's like we lose our good sense, and ability to differentiate between right and wrong behaviors.
I know that for family and friends on the outside who watch us decline and fall into The Pit, this can be so frustrating, and even angering. They can see where we are, and where we are heading, and even worse, they see where we actually take ourselves, seemingly willingly. It's like when we are in Crisis, we tend to develop patterns that keep us there. Like, we get so used to the familiarity of The Pit, that we find a way to just go ahead and make a home in the recesses of decay and filth, rather than do what we need to, to get out entirely.
But some of us, even though we find ourselves there, and even though we kind of establish an abode there, we are at least cognizant that this isn't where our dreams lie. We live there, yes, but we know that this isn't where we want to be. We come to a point, when we decide that we want out. And we come to a point when we realize that the only way we can really get out and stay out, is to climb out. We can have Support Systems in place to help strengthen us, but when it's all said and done, we just have to start climbing.
In reality, the Support Systems we establish are there to cheer us on and make us feel like we can withstand the climb, even when the slimy mud gives way underneath our pull, and it causes us to slide back down the sides we try so hard to climb out of.
Our Support System may include a recovery group, or a Bible study, or a group of friends, or close family. All of which have such a critical role in getting us to a better place. But, none of which are solely responsible for our being able to climb out.
It can get tricky here, because our close friends and family see us in The Pit, they hear us say we want out, they see us trying to get out, and they see us make repeated mistakes that keep us there. They become weary and frustrated with us, and in the darkness, we can feel like complete failures, as we not only live our own mistakes, but we sense the displeasure of those around us. Despondency can set in, which is nothing more than a welcome mat on the porch of our house in The Pit.
I actually found myself there. Clearly, it was the worst of the worst in my 4 years of Crisis. But in those dark days, my eyes were opened to a world I couldn't get otherwise, and for that, I will forever be grateful.
I discovered my need to be more sensitive and understanding of the emotional evolution a family sometimes needs to grow through, in order to get to where they need to go. Oftentimes this evolution is ugly, and oftentimes this evolution takes longer than many on the outside are OK with. Going through my own Crisis made me see and understand the complexities of working toward life outside The Pit.
I'm now in a position of support for families who are in Crisis. It is critical for those of us on the support side of Crisis to remember that the ones who are trying so hard to climb out of their pit, might climb out in unconventional ways, employing powers and skills they might not otherwise wield in better times. Remember, their good sense washed away long before they found themselves sitting on the bottom, in the muck. And even when they try and recover their good sense, they find it a little dirty and out of use.
The Support System comes in here, simply directing the family toward clearer thinking, and sound judgements. We must remember that love and patience need to feed the work, rather than the joy of being the one or ones who get to guide the family out to a better place. Once that becomes the motivation, frustration in the time it takes to see the family well will set in, and bitterness will result.
In The Descendants, the outside Support System was non-existent. Rather, the movie was simply about George Clooney's character's search for truth through dark paths. And he took his kids along with him. And I was uncomfortable with it. But, he was coming from a place that lacked clarity, and good sense. His children had been raised in this place, and therefore needed to seek truth in the same unconventional ways as their dad. They know no different.
I realize now that what made me the most uncomfortable about the movie initially, was how closely it hit home. I identified with George Clooney's character. A lot, and on many levels.
I believe The Descendants helps in causing us to gain a positive perspective in unconventional pursuits. It helps us to see outside the box, a little. Because when it's all said and done, the things that will make a family strong are the things that allow the family to work together, and be healthy.
If you can handle the frequent use of the "F-Word," and if you are willing to see a seedier side of Hawaii, and if you think you're strong enough to watch George Clooney not be hot, which I thought was a physical impossibility, then I recommend this movie with as many stars as I can give. It's dark, it's ugly, and it's just that good.
I just clicked on the link I provided up top, which took me to the IMDb site for the movie. On it, I clicked on the Trailer tab, and I watched the trailer. It made me want to go see it again.
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