When my ex-husband dropped the kids off last week from their vacation, I knew something was terribly wrong with his mother.  She stayed in the car while the children were being unloaded, which seemed odd, but thinking that she was just eager to get home, I brushed it off and I went out to talk to her.

The divorce between her son and me was difficult for her.  She and I had a beautiful relationship--she is one of the nicest ladies God ever made, and from the start, I loved having her in my life.  We often times supported each other through the challenges of being married to men who were verbally abusive and controlling.

There are obvious changes in the relationships with extended family that are bound to happen at the hand of divorce.  Eighteen years of relationship-building, in my case, kind of got put on hold...nobody quite knows how to manage the changes when divorce happens.  A sad, and unfortunate thing.

One thing I did know...that my ex-husband desperately needed his family.  He had always been close with his parents, but somewhat disconnected from the rest of them, and was afraid that since his act of infidelity was the initial cause of the break up of our family, his family would side with me.  Because of these things, I did make a cognizant decision to step back and not get in the way of his opportunity to lean on them, and gain strength through the building of relationships between them.

His father was furious with my decision to separate, and even more angry with my decision to divorce.  He didn't let his wife have contact with me, and only limited contact with the grandchildren.  When the kids and I moved back to California, my ex-mother-in-law would call me on an untraceable calling card after her husband went to bed, talking with me in whispers.  I put an obvious strain on our relationship.

After he died, she sold the acreage they shared and moved back to California to live with her son, my ex-husband.  She has enjoyed being able to see her grandchildren often, being a part of their lives.  I have enjoyed having her closer, getting to see her and talk to her without either of us fearing the anger of my ex-father-in-law.  Hugo has enjoyed her sweet spirit--they greet and say farewell with a hug.  She is an amazing woman, to push aside her sorrow over the divorce between her son and me, and to then embrace my new husband...literally.

So when I went out to the car to see her the day that they arrived from vacation, I was beyond shocked at what I found.  She was anxious--almost afraid.  She had been trying to get out of her seat, but couldn't make her feet move.  Abi and I had to help her out of the car and into the house--she was very weak and very uncoordinated.  She was confused and disoriented.  Getting her into the house was a challenge.

I later found out that she had begun failing about half-way through their vacation.  Her sister is an RN, and went on the vacation as well.  She urged her to go to Urgent Care during their time up in Oregon and Washington, but she insisted that they return home and go to a local hospital.

A visit to her local Urgent Care that night revealed severe dehydration, and after rehydrating her, she improved.  But after a day or so, it was obvious that still, something wasn't right.  So she was evaluated by a neurologist and admitted to the hospital.

Scans have revealed a tumor on her brain stem.  It is too deep to biopsy, so they are shrinking it with drugs.  She will be treated at City of Hope.

Today Tessa, Adam, and I went to visit her at the hospital.  She was very emotional when she saw us, which resulted in us both crying.  She was more lucid than I had anticipated--I'd heard about how bad she has gotten this week.  Still, she can't remember where she is, why she is there, and she wonders why all those noisy kids in the hall don't go to bed (the nurses).  She keeps trying to get out of bed, which is a bad thing as the tumor has affected the right side of her body.  The staff moved her to the room across from the nurses' station, and they put her in a lower bed.  They also put a sensor in her bed with her, so that if she tries to get out, alarms will sound.

My commitment to her is a forever-commitment that lives long after my marriage to her son died.  She will always be my Mary-Mom.  I have pledged myself to her care, wanting to be rotated in with the rest of her family, to sit with her, if needed.  And it is going to be needed.

It is hard to see her go through this.  But I am so thankful that since she is going through this trial, I do have the opportunity to be a part of the plan that helps her.  It says a lot about her, and about her family, that they would embrace me.  It also says a lot about my ex-husband, that he wouldn't keep me from being around her, since officially, I'm no longer family.

It is also good for the children to see their father and me in the same hospital room together, working together on the common goal of seeing a dear woman kept comfortable and loved.

Please pray with me for her, that she recovers fully.  That the tumor is able to shrink completely, and that she regains the impairment she is currently suffering.  There is a chance she suffered a stroke in addition to the problem with the tumor.  Once the swelling subsides, the doctors will do another head scan to see whether or not there is any scarring.  If there is, it would indicate that she did, indeed, have a stroke.  Until they know for sure, they are keeping her legs circulated to prevent blood clotting.

Adam chose to stay behind for the weekend so that he could be there with his grandma, but mostly so that he could be a support to his dad, who is feeling the effects of this in dramatic ways.  Since he lives with her, decisions will have to be made as to whether or not she be transported home, or to a facility that can care for her as she recovers.

I am so proud of my Adam's heart.  And I am so happy that no matter what has happened between her son and me, I still have my Mary Mom.