Reflecting On a Life Regret

My girls got classes for summer session, and if you know anything about the state school system in California, you know that this is a big deal--it isn't an easy thing, landing classes, with budget cuts limiting the number of classes offered.

They are both students at a community college near our house.   They both plan on transferring to universities after they get their general education out of the way...neither felt that they could handle the pressure of going to a university first off, in spite of the encouragement they got from their family.  It seems to be the right fit for them--they're both doing well.  Very well.  And at the rate their class-acquisition is going, they should get their Associates Degree in, say, 5 years.  That might be an exaggeration.  I hope.

The two of them having summer classes does mean that my job as primary taxi driver is in no jeopardy of being lost anytime soon.  Neither girl drives.  I just sighed deeply.  We're working on one--she will take her behind-the-wheel driving test this week.  The other is still reluctant, but will be peer-pressured in August when her younger brother goes for his permit.  Nothing says, "Just do it already," like a little brother coming up from behind, threatening to pass you up.  She has agreed to take her test when he takes his.

But until they are both driving, I will take part in a practical part of their educations.  And for me, it works well.  It gives me an "in," as I live vicariously through their educational pursuits.

One of my biggest regrets in life is not having obtained a college education.  I was in college when I met my first husband, but since I totally fell into his spell, I believed him when he said that it made no sense for me to get my degree when he didn't have one.  I know.  I look back now, and I scratch my head.  But, at the time, I believed everything he said.  He explained to me that since ours would be a marriage based on Biblical principals, we needed to take literally the fact that the woman is never to be above the man.  So, if I got my college degree, I would in essence be putting myself above my husband, and that would be wrong.  It so made sense to me back then.  It hasn't made sense to me since.

When the grandchildren started to come, my father-in-law assured me that should anything ever happen to my husband, I would be taken care of so that I could still be home to raise the children.  His reassurances were my life insurance.  But if the plan had fine print, it would have read, "Except, in the event of you leaving my son."

I was completely cut off after I left my husband.  And I had no career, and no degree to fall back on.  I had no financial plan.  I registered for school within 6 months of leaving him, but trying to balance school with 4 children--the oldest being 14, and the youngest being a year old--was a little much, and I was completely in over my head.  Dealing with adolescent hormones and diapers in the same house is hard enough.  Add to it the fact that the kids were completely upside down in grief and shock after seeing their lives completely fall apart, and it was clear that school wasn't going to be an option.

I had to work in order to support them, so I worked part-time in a hospital as a cook, as a server at a country club, and as a server at a restaurant.  I did what I could.  Having the serving jobs allowed me to make tips, increasing my hourly rate significantly.

I think back at myself as a young college student.  How would things have turned out differently, had I stood my ground and continued my education?  Maybe a formal education would have broadened my perspective, rather than allowing myself to only see things through my fiancee's eyes.  Maybe that was what threatened him in the first place.  But, even if it didn't change my perspective, I believe that I would have had an easier time supporting them when I was raising them on my own.

So, my girls are getting their education.  Actually, all of them will--girls and boys alike.  Even if it takes them 10 years each to get their Bachelors Degree.  They will have this foundation, no matter what they choose to do with it.  But they will keep their options broader this way, and it will be something they can build on in all stages of life.

And if I have to be their taxi driver to make it happen, so be it.