IT'S THE FIRST DAY OF SUMMER VACATION!!!!!!! I keep saying that, but really, next Monday will be the first day that all 5 kids are on break. Tessa and Danielle still have finals this week. But they're both so on their own that I don't even break a sweat about their schooling.
Abi had a friend spend the night last night. Actually, Abi was invited to spend the night with this friend, but I begged and pleaded with her parents to let them sleep over at our house. I wanted to have all the kids home this morning. An extra one would be a bonus. I've dreamed of being able to be home with them on their first day of vacation since we left Nebraska. This is a big deal for me. A first since 2006.
We've had an extended period of what we call in California, June Gloom. That's where the Marine Layer is so thick that nobody sees Mr. Sun until later in the afternoon, if at all, and the last week or more have been dark, and gloomy, and freezing by my standards. It's nice to not have to be using the air conditioner, but it's even more nice to have this particular weather pattern pass.
Today it started to clear up earlier than yesterday, and as soon as the sun broke through, the kids were outside having a very LOUD water fight. I had to call out to tell them to pipe it down...it sounded like someone was being sacrificed back there. But between you and me, the screaming, and laughing (and the fact that nobody ended up getting hurt), were all musical. I loved listening to them.
I dropped Danielle off at her college and then I went to Costco (where half of my bill went toward the dog's needs, and LA County Sales Tax!!! Yikes!). When I came home, the kids were all dry and back inside. Lee passed me by and I noticed a fresh set of clothes on his cooled-down body. Then I started to remember the other side of summer vacation, the side that's not so cute, and I started to assess...he started out in an outfit this morning, then he changed into his bathing suit & rash guard, and now it was fresh clothes--not the ones he started out in, and then there were towels. OK...I can see Laundry Mountain getting bigger. Then I had a flashback of summers past, with unclaimed drinking glasses everywhere, half-finished play projects strewn throughout the house. Not again. Not anymore. Time to set up some boundaries.
Really, Hugo and I have worked hard at getting the kids more serious about their chores and working together so as to not live like PIGS. That means picking-up after oneself, and everyone being assigned daily house chores, as well as weekly house chores. They really do a good job. They hop up after dinner and they start cleaning the kitchen. Some are more thorough than others, but they all make an effort and it is nice. But this is how it is now. It's not how it's always been.
One of the casualties of Family Crisis seems to be a complete disregard for keeping ones property neat and clean. Don't know what's up with that...depression? There are exceptions, but unfortunately, I wasn't one of the unusual ones. I was more typical.
I was raised to be neat and clean, and to keep my home neat and clean. But the longer I was married before, the harder it was to maintain order. It was like somewhere in my spirit I knew that there was a deeper lack of order, something far deeper than my housekeeping habits, and the symptoms of it came out in how I kept house.
It became even worse after I separated from my husband and lived as a single working woman. My kids lacked in most levels of discipline. There is therefore no way the home can reflect anything differently. And try as I might to crack the proverbial whip, it didn't matter if I told the kids to do this thing or that thing on their lazy days of summer, when they were left alone at home without a parent. The teens were in charge, but teens are still kids.
But the biggest problem was this: Why would they do what I asked them to do, if I'd never remember I asked them to do it in the first place? Zero follow-through. So things would never get done. Because once I'd get home, I'd collapse. For long periods of time, I worked from pre-dawn to late at night, 6 or 7 days a week. You can't properly follow-through, if you aren't even home.
Still, the shame I'd feel over the condition of my house, especially through the eyes of my extended family, was intense. I come from a clean family. Even if they never said a thing about the shape of my house, or even if they reassured me that they knew that I was overwhelmed, I still felt so much shame.
My house wasn't a mess because I didn't care. My house was a mess because it was a symptom of things not being OK. Still, the self-loathing was constant, with the voices I'd give myself in my head. Words like, "White Trash," and "Loser." It's hard to climb out of a situation when you render yourself weak simply by the way you feel about yourself.
Fast-forward to today. I'm now home, and available, and able to perceive things through healthy eyes. And man! I see how it is that a house can get trashed so easily. Give any of these kids an inch, even as good as they are now, and then remember that they're just kids. They need to be reeled in. Like the Little One and his 3 sets of clothes today.
Admittedly, I'm no different. I need to Swiffer the kitchen!!!! But yet, here I sit. I still need to work the Discipline Muscle. Sometimes, if given the option, I'd chill on the computer and write, over doing what I need to do in my house. But this time, there are no ugly voices in my head.
Thankfully, that muscle hasn't atrophied. Thankfully, we were rescued by Mr. Ambriz. He made it possible for us to be stable. He made it possible for me to be available. And he too comes from a clean family. Nice dynamic.
Thank you God!! :)
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